Thursday, June 10, 2010

Bad Candy

Well I’m late to the party…but I did make it. Today’s Theme Thursday is CANDY.

Let’s take a look at some of the WORST candy ever made. No, not what your dentist shakes his head at…that’s the good stuff. I’m talking about the stuff you secretly want to flip off the guy that gave it to you when trick-or-treating at Halloween.

In no particular order…

Durian Candy. We’re fortunate that this stuff isn’t hanging around your local store. Many of you may never have even heard of it. Durian is that nasty fruit that smells like ass when ripe. Most hotels forbid it in their establishment because of the putrid smell. So what to do with the God-awful stuff? Yeah…make some candy out of it. WTF?

Bit-O-Honey. First of all…bit of honey, my ass. Sorry…was on the ass theme still from the last candy and having trouble shaking it (bad pun inserted intentionally). Candy shouldn’t have a bit of anything. It should be Lot-O-Chocolate or Lot-O-Sugar or something more appealing. This is the candy that the wheat germ naturalists buy to feel like the rest of us when company comes over. “Yes, we have candy…” they say. But just look at it! I mean come on, that blob of whatever has to have that decorate wrapper or NOBODY would buy it…well, except the naturalists…

Chocolate Skittles. There are a couple of problems here. Normally chocolate wouldn’t be on any “worst candy” list unless it’s that hideous cheap Easter crap but everyone knows better than to bite into a 5lb chocolate Easter bunny that was purchased for $1.99. No, first of all, you know how I feel about Skittles. They’re wrong! I’m old school and they remind me too much of M&Ms but then I don’t get that M&M enjoyment, I get some fruity taste. But then, they had to go and make chocolate ones. This is like the chocolatification (my word) of cereals. You know, Chocolate Cheerios, Chocolate Special K, Chocolate Apple Jacks…it never ends. So now are they doing this with candy? What’s next…chocolate LifeSavers? Chocolate Double-Mint Gum?

Ok…there are more hideous candies out there. Zagnuts and Sucrets (oh wait, those aren’t technically candies) and such. Perhaps you know more BAD candy…

40 comments:

Roy Scribner said...

Wow, first at 8:30 in the am??? lol

Anne said...

so close.

RA said...

Thank you, thank you! Your post was like an oasis in the desert: for once the candy bad and didn't make me drool!
Haven't tasted the others, but Skittles we do have here in Finland. We loosely call then shittles. How can any candy be called Lola Abon's anything? Lola Abon... the mind boggles! :D

Subby said...

Ahem...I happen to like a Zagnut bar ev'r now and then. But chocolate Skittles? I'll agree w' ya on those...yuk! and double yuk!

And what about Necco wafers? Mmmmm...chalky goodness ( bleah! )

Brian Miller said...

i think i lost a tooth to bit o honey...on a dare to bite it hard and then try to pull apart my teeth...but a candy that smells like ass sounds delectible....happy tt!

Monkey Man said...

Wait! You forgot Scooter Pie. Anything with a name that conjures the image of your dog dragging his butt across the floor CAN'T be good. *just keeping with the ass theme*

Jingle said...

funny candies.

Ms. Gibson said...

OMG that crap Bit-o-Honey is just awful. Almost as bad as that candy I think is called Chick on a Stick, or something like that...

Tom said...

har har. wonder what that ass candy tastes like? I've had those choc skittles and they weren't all that good...and wax gums are just creepy.

Roy Scribner said...

btw - Bad Candy is an awesome name for a band.

Roy said...

Hmmmm... Bad candy, eh? I definitely agree with you on the cheap Easter chocolate, especially in light of the fact that my grandmother used to make dynamite Easter cream eggs with dark chocolate shells every year; chocolate bunnies just didn't even register after one of them!

How about all the pure sugar with food coloring added thingies, like candy cigarettes and those gawdawful dots on the paper strip? Bleah!

00dozo said...

The "Bit-O-Honey" looks like a bit of petrified Silly-Puddy and probably tasted like it too. Yuck.

Roy: Those "dots" on the paper strips were the prelude by drug dealers to introduce acid to teenagers (not that I would really know or anything. Just sayin').

Elizabeth said...

Remember the candy Sugar Daddy? It was a thick sticky carmel candy on a stick. I just thought the name was kinda weird.

M.Bug said...

I like a Bit-O-Honey candy on occasion. I remember Sugar Daddies were good as were B-B-Bats.
Necco Wafers are pretty yucky. I think candy like Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms would qualify as bad candy.

ReformingGeek said...

I love Bit-O-Honeys!

What about Dots? Zzzzz.

Jaime said...

circus peanuts and whoppers have my vote for bad candies

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I get particularly insulted by bad chocolate. I also hate chocolate scented candles, etc....who the heck do they think their fooling!

sharonheg said...

Necco Wafers. The bane of my existence. My great-aunt and -uncle had a candy cabinet that they would refill on and off. Unfortunately, it was rarely when i was visiting, because all I would find in there are those stinkin' Necco Wafers. BLECH!

gab said...

Awwww I happen to like "Bit O Honey"
and dont you dare hold that against me or anywhere else lol

Janna said...

Well, if you go HERE, you can see chocolate covered insects.

And here's a recipe for chocolate covered grasshoppers.

I'll take Bit-O-Honey over that any day.

Mrsupole said...

Uh, I like Bit-O-Honey and you "can" hold that against me cause I could care less.

I have to say that there are some cheap ass candies that are made during the different holidays by some no name companies, where if you take a bite then you just spit it out. Yes, they are that bad. You would have to be starving to death before you would eat it. So compared to them a little Bit-O-Honey is fantastic.

Although chocolate Skittles do sound gross, regular ones are okay though.

God bless.

Baino said...

Oh you grumpy old man. Who doesn't like the fruity chewy goodness of skittles. Yeh you can keep the others but . . chocolate skittles sheetchyah!

Subby said...

@ Ms. Gibson, "Chik-O-Stiks"! While I dinna like the coconut on them, I savour the peanutty-ness of them( okay, I eat weird stuff~HA! )

@Elizabeth, good point and they still make them( along with Sugar Babies! GAH! )

VE, you should do one on just the weird names they come up with for this stuff...not that I'm tryin' to put ideas in your head or anything, heh, heh...

California Girl said...

"Bad Candy". Just the title is compelling. I was curious to see what you'd include. They all sound horrible or are horrible. i've never heard of the first one but if it tastes or smells like ass, well, no thanks. And Chocolate Skittles? That's just weird.

Dot-Com said...

Never heard of any of those types of candy, but I'm thinking that if I find one of them and bring a bag back to the office, they'll never ask me to bring candy home from abroad again. My suitcase will be lighter!

Dreamhaven said...

Sorry, I love Bit O Honey and Mary Janes. Not good for your fillings, though. Happy TT

MJ said...

What about wax lips and those little wax root beer bottles. WTH?! Who wants to eat wax?!?

Kelley said...

you Americans and your weird arsed candy...

secret agent woman said...

Oh my God, I tried those chocolate skittles and threw them away. And I NEVER throw candy away.

Also on the list of sucky candies are those God-awful ones wrapped in orange and black waxed paper for Halloween. People who hand those out hate children.

Serena said...

Plain old unadulterated chocolate does it for me. None of that fruity stuff!:)

Janna said...

Incidentally, I've never tried the chocolate Skittles before, and now I'm intrigued.

VE said...

Roy – Shouldn’t you be working? ;)

Anne – You’re becoming queen of the seconds…

RA – I’m sorry they’ve infiltrated our crappy processed candy into Finland. There are so many real chocolate makers in Europe I would think everyone would just laugh at the American stuff…

Subby – It’s ok…you can like something I rant about. Good one on the Necco…I must have subconsciously blocked those from my mind for safety…

Brian – Yes, they were good for taking out stubborn lose teeth as a kid. (more money from the tooth fairy of course)…

Monkey man – I suppose it’s a chocolate product too…sick!

Jingle – Until you eat them, that is…

Ms. Gibson – Chick on a Stick? Boy…I’ll not be doing any VE comments with THAT!

Tom – I had a co-worker who bet she could keep one in her mouth for a full minute…she lost…ended up spitting it out gagging…

Roy – You’re right…it does sound pretty cool…

Roy – Oh, well hand made candies rule! Yah, those candy cigarettes…they probably give you cancer too!

00dozo – Aren’t you supposed to take Rolaids for acid relief?

Elizabeth –I do remember those. Everything sticks permanently onto those! I think we should make some really big ones and scrape the ocean oil spill with them…

m.bug – How about Necco Wafer gummies?

Reforminggeek – At my local store they keep the Dots behind a locked glass display along with the expensive DVDs. WTF?

Jaime – circus peanuts don’t count as candy…they count as cruel and unusual punishment for being gullible…

Perpetual chocoholic – They have chocolate scented candles? Oh, of course they do…never mind…

Sharonheg – Why are they still in production? Some mysteries never get solved…

Gab – I don’t need to hold it…if ever you get them chewy…they can pretty much hold anything you stick them on!

Janna – Bugs in chocolate…yes, I’ll pass…

Mrsupole – There’s always somebody scamming during the holidays and cheap candy is inevitable…

Baino – I knew there’d be one of you out there…have at ‘em!

Subby – I’ll give that some consideration. Notice I took your suggestion for proverbs finally?

California girl – Yes, I could have made it a long post…but I chose to let my readers fill in the rest…

Dot-com – That’s a good plan!

Dreamhaven – I’ll admit…I’ve had some Mary Jane in the past…which usually leads to wanting Candy… ;)

Mj – Those are kind of crazy, aren’t they? Sucking crappy juice that comes from God knows where out of those wax things…I don’t think you’re supposed to eat the wax…which makes them very inefficient…

Kelley – Yep…we have it. But don’t make me go searching what strangeness you’re doing down there!

Secret agent woman – I suspected they were very, very bad! You can send them to Baino instead of throwing them away…

Serena – Come to think of it…I don’t do a lot of fruity candy either.

Janna – Don’t blame me after you’ve secretly tried them…

The Incredible Woody said...

I got nothing. I think my brain has melted in this heat. Heat index ranged from 108 to 116 for the last four days and I was camping at a music festival. So all I can think of was how good a gooey rice krispy treat and an ice cold Coke was at 3am...

Annie Ha said...

Bit of Honey is like a cruel trick. I'd rather get a box of raisins on Halloween than those. And I hate raisins.

VE said...

incredible woody - Told be talking to me about weather. I just did a hike yesterday in 39 degree temps. And this was only an hour from my house. We just had hail yesterday. I'll be happy to trade you for awhile...

annie ha - Or worse...raisin filled bit-o-honey! Ha!

Cheryl said...

I love chocolate and I'd never heard of the Skittles. Ugh! Sounds perfectly vile. Blech. Ptoooie. I'd take Zagnuts over these any day of the week. I hate Zagnuts.

VE said...

cheryl - See what a service I provide...now you can avoid all of these!

CatLadyLarew said...

Chocolate skittles? That sounds worse than the green ones.

lime said...

i like m&ms and i like skittles. chocolate skittles though..i agree, wrong, totally wrong.

and the very name "Zagnut" screams "bad candy" even before you taste it.

VE said...

catladylarew - See...you've avoided that one...it's like somehow avoiding the plague...

lime - I agree...what a dumb name!