Now that I’ve passed that 1000 post mark, I’m in the club.
- I have the secret club decoder ring
- I know the special secret handshake
- I can sing our secret song at our secret virtual blog clubhouse
I feel I can also write whatever the hell I want to. Well, ok, like that ever stopped me before. With that being so, I’m going to write about poop! Because poop is disgusting and disgusting is funny!
Having to get after my kids to unclog the toilet because they ate an entire cow the day before and now we all have to suffer…I know a bit about the subject. Well, at least men…women poo behind closed doors at times they think nobody knows what they’re doing and then go to elaborate methods to remove all traces and odors of said event.
Men? We might leave any of the following…
The Old Growth. This is the mega poo. This is the one that you don’t want to admit came out of your butt because it’s so big it gets straddled over the toilet hole like an old growth tree bridge that isn’t going anywhere without a major, major flood. You’ve seen this poo before. It was in that Star Trek episode where Kirk had to fly another Star Fleet ship into it just to get rid of it. Yes, it’s that bad.
The Meteor. This is one of those dense strange meteor looking poo that you thought was going to be an old growth but were disappointed because now you have a poo with a deformity and there’s no government funding for such a situation. All you can do is hope that toilet black hole can suck it in without having to plunge.
The rabbit pellets. Sure, they might feel like nicely tapered perfect poo but they aren’t! Oh, and those aren’t coco puffs either. You’ve just been duped. Hang your head in shame and flush away…
The Big Bang. This might start out as a legitimate poo but somewhere in the process it goes terribly wrong in an unanticipated conversion from solid to liquid matter causing a complete explosion. Just make sure you are actually on the toilet when said event occurs. Oh…and try and emulate the women on this one…cover up all evidence; religious organizations don’t support the big bang!