Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Fantasy Road Rage

It’s a pity I enjoy my job because I’ll soon be rich from my next invention.

I call my new product Fantasy Road Rage.

It’s a screen you mount next to the driver’s seat with a camera both in front of the car and behind the car that project what you’re seeing onto the screen. Then, at red lights when your car isn’t actually moving (thanks to a sensor that detects so which can easily be uninstalled until you kill somebody and Oprah bans the uninstallation feature) you can simulate whatever you would like to have happen in front of you or behind you with the actual cars you’re seeing.

Watch in road rage glee as you invoke a semi-truck to suddenly come out of nowhere and “take out” the two idiot cars in front of you that don’t seem to get the anti-cell phone law.

Have an elephant drop on that irritating pedestrian that gave you the stink eye just because you stopped at the last minute while they were crossing the street.

Drop nails small land mines for those tailgaters behind you that won’t seem to stop riding your bumper in hopes they can gain 10 feet on you by passing illegally.

You’ll have so much fun with the possibilities of revenge that you’ll begin to cherish missing a light. You might not even want to go when it turns green! (which of course will prompt the guy behind you to use his Road Rage game to wipe you out with a sudden stampede of wild animals that send your car end over end until it explodes.)

Available at all VE stores soon!

31 comments:

Mrsupole said...

As I was reading I was thinking about that maybe I would just sit there at the light and we would all be watching the show on the screen and not move. Then you write that too. See great minds do think alike.

God bless.

Subby said...

Have I got a book for you! From a very local ( and practically unknow ) author. It's called "Why We Feel Road Rage...And Why It's Your Fault!" I'll send it along ;)

You'll love the "F-inator"~HA!

Subby said...

I used to carry a machete in the car, y'know...but after 25 accidents and about 85,000 near misses, I figured why bother anymore?

Give me something that can zap a cell phone tho', heh, heh...or knock out the engine( "K.I.T.T., microjam th' engine!" )

I just know there's a few G.C. refs for this...

Subby said...

Can I get this wi' an H.U.D. converter? I'd reeeeeally like to grop a few bombs on the last mook...or beat 'im senseless wi' a ( virtual ) billy club...

Subby said...

In answer to your "Stupid thought of the day"...Yes! It's called "DUNE"...HA!

Roy said...

As a Professional Pedestrian Person™ I have a license to carry an RPG, so you try to drop an elephant on me and both you and the elephant are gonna be vaporized! As will all Massachusetts and Connecticut drivers in Newport who treat crosswalks as target zones. Pedestrians of the world, break off your chains and FIGHT BACK!

Just sayin'.

VE said...

mrsupole - People must have them now...it's the only thing that explains why they never go when it turns green! Well...that and texting, makeup, nose-picking, jigsaw puzzles, laptops, the paper, fast food, origami, basket weaving, etc...

subby - Ha...I guess I hit home with this one. I can see you'll be buying in bulk! Are you saying somebody already came up with this? I hate it when people steal my ideas before I've thought of them. I like the cell phone zapper idea though...give me a dozen!

subby - Dune...good one!

roy - Yes, if only everyone could experience the irritation of being on foot while we're all being obnoxious and irresponsible in our cars...maybe then they'd appreciate those that actually walk...

lime said...

i just want a james bond car so i can leave a trail of tacks or launch the car in front of me with a rocket

ReformingGeek said...

What a great idea!

Are you sure that there's not already an app for that?

The Incredible Woody said...

Problems in traffic lately?

Roy Scribner said...

Note that my Fantasy Predator Drone Add-on Pack is fully compatible with Fantasy Road Rage and provides a fully-immersive and enriching experience for the most demanding drivers.

Subby said...

VE, no not the game but something more menacing. You'll know more when I send the book out. Watch your mail-box( but don't let the gnomes read it...they may get some weird ideas...not that they don't already, heh, heh... )

Subby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CatLadyLarew said...

I think there's definitely a market for this!

Elizabeth said...

I was wondering the same thing as Woody. Is the commute to and from work getting to you?

RA said...

Oh, so my pepermint striped baseball bat on the frontseat is outdated then, hunh?

Monkey Man said...

Viable, but I would have to interupt my talking on a cell phone, putting on make up, reading the newspaper and eating to get the images up. Too complicated. Unless you make it hands-free.

Baino said...

Yep I'd subscribe, does it have a loudspeaker with comical noises such as 'boing'

Subby said...

I like Baino's idea! I can install a P.A. system, heh, heh...

sharonheg said...

Where's the line to buy one of those gadgets? I want one NOW! LOL!

Megan said...

I'm in. And I haven't even owned a car in over a year. But I've been a passenger. Sometimes that's all it takes.

Megan said...

OMG am I out of the top ten?!? Sorry, man. Been busy. I'll catch up on your posts soon, and you don't have to count those comments...

P.S. Subby, do you spend all day over here?

Subby said...

@ Megan, check your inbox, heh...

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I love Baino's idea!

VE said...

Lime – Everyone wants that James Bond car…

Reforminggeek – Actually, it might not surprise me…

Incredible woody – Actually, I have a consistent 12 minute commute…

Roy – Excellent…I love add on packs (well, except when I’m hiking)…

Subby – Can’t wait to see what it is now…thanks!

Catladylarew – Yes, it’s called the revenge market. Leave your happiness at the door…

Elizabeth – Nah…I have this thing about inefficiency and traffic is inefficient…

Ra – Now it’s vintage…sell it on ebay for a fortune…

Monkey man – Hands free will be a later version where you can just blink and take out the guy in front of you with a thermo nuclear device that ejects from your front license plate…

Baino – That would be a good addition…I like the “boing”…

Subby – It would be fun to have that and then tailgate people with the jaws theme playing…

Sharonheg – Just don’t try to take cuts in line…people get all worked up about that. Soon I’ll have a line cutting version for your iphone and you can take those people out too!

Megan – No car? Boy, if you ever start again the insurance companies are gonna have fun with you! They hate lapses…can you say “raising rates?”…

Megan – That’s right…and I haven’t even updated it for a month…you’ve still got time!

Perpetual chocoholic – It’s a good one!

monica said...

you got a job?

Subby said...

Ya got a "kill blogger glitch" edition? GAAAAH!

aladdinsane12 said...

oh man. i'd use the "beat driver with a hammer and light him on fire" option.

Janna said...

I'm with Lime, gimme that James Bond car.
Those tailgaters will never know what hit them.

Jaime said...

i must have one of these! can i blow up the cars in front of me? because that would just be awesome

VE said...

Monica – Stranger things have happened…well…not many…

Subby – That would be popular too!

Aladdinsane12 – That is a popular option! Don’t forget the itching powder right after those incidents…

Janna – If everybody had that car…nobody would get anywhere…

Jaime – Of course you can…you even get that a feature showing that a-hole crawling out from the wreckage looking like the toast you left in the toaster too long…bonus!