Monday, July 05, 2010

Four Theories and a Mystery

Sometimes I’m glad I actually get out of the house from time to time. Had I not, I wouldn’t have noticed the Globe magazine next to the checker who was trying to figure out how much my imported organic fruit costs because somebody forgot to sticker it and now he has to search the Dictionary of Fruit Prices Book, Volume 17. I mean, hey, he’s a checker…you can’t expect him to memorize 4,273 different fruit and vegetable prices.

But I’ve digressed. Apparently, right there on the front page, was this:

Where Is Michael's Corpse?

Michael Jackson's body is NOT inside the golden casket publicly put into a crypt at California's famous Forest Lawn Cemetery, a security expert close to the Jackson family tells GLOBE. As the world marks the first anniversary of the King of Pop's tragic death, a bombshell report unravels the mystery of Michael's missing corpse. Find out all the explosive details - ONLY in GLOBE!

Of course, I never support such magazines by purchasing them. I do the 10 second scan like everyone else. And now it has me wondering where his body is. I have a couple of theories.

Theory 1: Plastic Surgery collectors have stolen his body for rare early and experimental plastic surgery pieces for their collections. Since I am a collector myself (but not of this) I wouldn’t put it past them!

Theory 2: He didn’t die at all and he’s living with Patrick Swayze, JFK, Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa on a secret island until he can transform the rest of his body to look like Janet.

Theory 3: His father took it. He’d lost all his bids to live off his son’s money and so now he’s holding it hostage in hopes for more money he didn’t earn.

Theory 4: He’ll be making his grand reentrance next month now that his death and mourning has spurred renewed interest in his music and allowed him to pay off all his spending debt. This should be enough to last for another 10 years of new music nobody will buy just like nobody buys new music from Paul McCartney

And I’m sure you have your own theories about this situation…

32 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Nope, no theories at all, and it would give me nightmares to even think about it. Some things are best forgotten.

But I did see Elvis the other day.

God bless.

Subby said...

Massive obscure reference to this;

The president's nose in the Woody Allen film "Sleeper"....LMAO!

Quirkyloon said...

He's reincarnated as.....


JUSTIN BEIBER!

Ha!

Roy said...

Let the pedophile stay dead.

Subby said...

Amen to what Roy said.

Theory #3 could be possible...

Theory #5~ in order to completely throw off th' grieving public( boo-hoo-hoo ); I think he's buried in Grant's Tomb...

Theory #6~ It's a C.I.A. cover-up...

Theory #7~ M.J. is in disguise; touring with th' band "Theory Of A Dead Man"...

Theory #8~ He's actually been dead for the past 25 years...this was all a elaborate hoax in order to drums up mo' money...

Subby said...

...er I mean an elaborate hoax to drum up mo' money...

...or it could've been Theory #9~ he got hit with a bucket of water and melted...

The Incredible Woody said...

I could've sworn I saw him last week in Venice Beach.

Dennis the Vizsla said...

When R'lyeh rises from beneath the waves, Michael will return to sit at Cthulhu's right hand. Until then he'll be keeping a low profile.

ReformingGeek said...

Um...who?

;-)

00dozo said...

Hey, you could add that as a theme to your road trip book: Places where people suspect MJ was actually buried (you could also include the burial sites for Jimmy Hoffa).

If you think about it, the GLOBE is merely playing on the "Men In Black" scenario.

sharonheg said...

He's in your basement.

secret agent woman said...

I'm going with the second theory. Don't forget Jim Morrison is with them all, too.

Serena said...

If the Globe says it, it must be true. Hmmm. Maybe he's at Graceland.:-)

Elizabeth said...

Ahhahaha! I love Subby's Theory #9"he got hit with a bucket of water and melted..."

aladdinsane12 said...

maybe he's returned as a zombie Thriller-style! hey- he's got the practice!

Jingle said...

wow...
Happy Tuesday!

Jingle said...

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/07/05/poetry-awards-4-thursday-poets-rally-week-24/

two awards on the bottom....
Happy Tuesday!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I think he just had one too many plasic surgeries and there is actually nothing left of him.

The Incredible Woody said...

Did Blogger eat all the comments from yesterday?

Monkey Man said...

I heard the Shannon Price was posing the King of Pop's body with Gary Coleman's in order to sell the photos to the highest bidder. I am sure the Globe is in the running.

Must admit - I miss the Weekly World News. Didn't get any better than Bat Boy.

Jaime said...

some mysteries are just better left unsolved

Elizabeth said...

Didn't I post on this one yesterday?

Jill said...

Love all four but think you are RIGHT ON with number four.

Will wait for Janet's identical twin sister to be revealed!

Janna said...

I'll know I've become truly successful the day I look at the Enquirer and find a front-page story about how I'm really an alien hybrid who was planted here to feed on the rest of humanity until I have absorbed all your knowledge.

Either that or something about Elvis.

Shammickite said...

You mean .... (gasp!) ... he's dead?

Brian Miller said...

oh i miss bat boy too! think you are spot on with #4...

um, your balls seem to be missing...ahem...

Betsy said...

number 4 it is!!!

Came looking for your ball. ha.

lime said...

he walks among us. he started life as a black boy, grew up to be a white woman, and when he grew tired of the spotlight he finished off his plastic surgery days by completing his transformation into an asian with unspecified gender.

VE said...

Mrsupole – Some things are best forgotten…like Hitler and cyclamates…

Subby – You are the KING of obscure references!

Quirkyloon – Scary…do you think beiber will start getting blacker and blacker?

Roy – Gives a whole new meaning to “Beat it”…

Subby – More good theories. Anything is possible with music bands…

Incredible woody – Scary…

Dennis the vizsla – Ha!...I like it.

Reforminggeek – You really need to stop running once and a while ;)

00dozo – Good idea…

Sharonheg – As long as he cleans up the spiders from time to time…

Secret agent woman – Michael should watch out cause Jim is a “backdoor man”…

Serena – Under water? Oh wait, that was the Grand Ole’ Opry…

Elizabeth – If only…

Aladdinsane12 – True…but zombies always come back angry and hungry…it’s a real hassle…

Jingle – Happy Tuesday to you too

Perpetual chocoholic – Perhaps somebody put him in the street recycling bin…

Incredible woody – Just yours… ;)

Monkey man – Classic…the trash never ends…and I agree about Bat Boy…awesome!

Jaime – Like Jimmy Hoffa?

Elizabeth – You did…it’s there…

Jill – It was definitely trending that way…

Janna – I saw that issue… ;)

Shammickite – I hate to break it too you. Guess what? So is Mozart!

Brian – My balls have returned…and just in time. Thanks for motivating me though…

Betsy – My balls are finally up! (that sounds weird…)

Lime – That’s great lime…THAT should be on his tombstone…

CatLadyLarew said...

Where's Michael's body? I didn't know there was anything left to bury. He's shaved off so many pieces of it...

VE said...

catladylarew - It's like Voldemort in the real world!

Roy Scribner said...

MJ's not dead! I saw him in Memphis...