Thursday, August 05, 2010

The Color Brown

Yes, I’m actually participating in a Theme Thursday again this week. I know, you’re just glad I’m managing to post at all. Since the Theme is BROWN, I’ll expect a lot of brown nosing in the comments. Remember, the gnomes are always watching…and they control the blog tally!

But I’m feeling pretty basic today. Let’s examine Brown as a color. In the beginning there was brown…and it was good. Well…until the anal-retentive color people got a hold of it that is. Just take a look at the ridiculous colors we’ve named crayons to represent some shade of brown:

ACORN. Just because an object is a shade of brown doesn’t mean you should name a color after it. What if you’re in the arctic or deep in the jungle? You’re not going to know what an acorn is!

ALMOND. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t! And sometimes you are nuts for naming a color after this!

BARK BROWN. Let’s hope this one isn’t one of those color-and-smell crayons because fresh bark dust smells like ass mist (not that I would personally know this)…

BEAVER. I know you want to go there, I know you do. Let’s just suffice to say that Crayola really pushed the suggestive-childrens-material envelope with this one.

BEIGE. If you took away every “beige” house in the suburbs you wouldn’t have any suburbs.

BURNT SIENNA. This is an old name for a brown color. But really…I have no idea what a “sienna” is and would guess that if you burnt it, it’s be charcoal black, not brown. Stop messin’ with our minds!

BUTTERNUT. First of all, have you really ever seen a nut full of butter? Yuck! Secondly, we get that nuts are mostly brown…stop naming colors after them!

CARMEL. I’ve been there, its south of the Bay Area in California and a bunch of rich celebrities live there. The only time I’ve seen it brown is when the government mandated water restrictions even on the rich during the summertime.

CHOCOLATE. Sure…piss off the white chocolate by naming a brown color this.

CORN FLAKE. I kid you not! Apparently RoseArt named a brown colored crayon with this. Would you eat a brown Corn Flake? And now I know why they never really make a dent in Crayola’s domain!

DESERT SAND. It’s like saying “ANIMAL”. There are so many variations, who knows what color that conjures up for people.

FUZZY WUZZY BROWN. Who knows what shade of brown this is but it sure makes me want to wash my hands from listening to it. They already feel kid-sticky.

I could go on and on and on. There are hundreds of ridiculous brown color names out there to confuse us. But instead, here are a few that aren’t there:

DIAHERIA BROWN. Come on…that’s universally known!
BROWN NOSE. It’s similar to the above color but the shade is much deeper…

We could have a few regional colors:

CALIFORNIA SUMMER HILLSIDE BROWN
ARIZONA FRONT LAWN BROWN
HUDSON RIVER BROWN

31 comments:

Subby said...

Thanks. Now I've got that damn Peter-Paul song in me head...!

Subby said...

I ken a few brown-nosers...um...never-mind...

And I'd opt fae a rock garden instead of th' brown lawn. Nah, I'd still hae to pick all the weeds, wot?

Subby said...

And yes, Virginia...er I mean, VE, there is a George Carlin reference to this...but I'll spare ya...this time...HA!

CatLadyLarew said...

I only brown nose when I have a suntan. Most of the time I'm pasty white.

Roy Scribner said...

Jerry brown. It fits right in there between Butternut and Corn Flake.

Roy said...

As for chocolate, even in the brown version there are variations - dark, milk, Dutch, Swiss, etc. Hmmmmm...

ReformingGeek said...

What color are your shoes?

Probably brown or tan or beige.

With the heat we are having, we might have a brown-out, but which shade?

It's all so confusing.

;-)

AngelMay said...

Well Dang, VE! You misspelled diarrhea! I'm not sure if that makes the post funnier or not. ;o)

00dozo said...

"Ass mist" - Ha! First time I've ever heard that one. I suppose that makes up part of that "marine layer" you have wafting about on the coast.

California Girl said...

Very clever VE. Are some of those really color names? I mean, "beaver", "corn flake", "fuzzy wuzzy brown". Really?

moondustwriter said...

you got me opening my pack of crayons - lol

this one topped the charts. I'm coming to you next time I need an idea for a story. Seriously brown had me stumped

so I resorted to a girl who doesnt like brown

Brian Miller said...

let hope a few of those are not scratch and sniff...particularly the regional ones...smiles.

wonder what a caramel crayon tastes like...hmmm....

The Incredible Woody said...

I always thought Brown was a pretty lame name for a university. Come on, Ivy Leaguers, use some imagination!

Mrsupole said...

A steak that is brown is so pretty. Especially when it is in my mouth. Brown's are cool. And a brown house looks better than a purple house. Yup, brown is a good color except on someone's nose.

God bless.

Quirkyloon said...

Now don't go telling everybody, but in my younger days I listened to a country tune or two.

I know, my bad. I've repented.

With that written...

"I've got some front lawn brown property in Arizona!"

hee hee

nursemyra said...

haha.... we painted the gimcrack recently and added a feature wall to the entrance. There was a choice of six colours and we asked the patients to vote for the one they liked the most.

The names were Summer Surprise, Volcano Splash, Rich Havana, Sulphur Springs, Minted Glory and Venetian Crystal. I had to type (red, brown, blue, green, yellow and orange underneath the names so people would know what they were voting for)

Elizabeth said...

My hair dye used to be called "Happy Beaver". What were they thinking?

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

White chocolate is not good enough to be called chocolate.

gab said...

I know all those colors for Brown is stupid but then look at all the rest of the colors too they have like a million different names for all 8 simple colors. See what I said 8 "simple" colors. lets get back to the basics. 8 simple colours.

Janna said...

"fresh bark dust smells like ass mist"...

Let's all be thankful there isn't a shade of brown called "ass mist."

As far as we know.

Cheryl said...

I can't believe you actually knocked burnt sienna. It's my favorite Crayola name in the whole wide world. I think it's romantic. :P

I kiss no man's ass nor do I pander. So there.

Baino said...

Think you misspelled Caramel as well! Just sayin' I'm going to Sienna in September, I'll let you know what colour it is.

lime said...

anyone who knows anything about squash also know butternut is beige on the outside, orange on the inside.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

i am having fun thinking of browns named for nuts.....

fun take on tt

Subby said...

VE, blacktop? HA. Ever done any crack sealing in blacktop?

Maybe one of those Japanese rock gardens, instead :)

sharonheg said...

Mrs. Brown, you've got a lovely daughter....

VE said...

subby - Tupperware or rubbermaid. THe whole yard. You don't have to maintain that...you just burp it at night...

sharonheg - And Mr. Brown is out back having a snack with Mr. Black

Subby said...

Tupperware eh? There's and obscure Darkwing Duck reference to that....weird...

Jaime said...

i always thought of the hudson river as more green than brown... either way, you wouldn't catch me swimming in it.

VE said...

subby - Isn't Darkwin Duck obscure enough?

jaime - It's been a few years since I've seen it and this is the "green" movement these days...

Subby said...

VE, point taken...heh.