Monday, August 23, 2010

If Trees Could Talk

A couple of weekends ago we were hiking in a wilderness that hadn’t been logged. I know; you thought there weren’t any left other than the twenty or so Redwood trees the tourists take pictures in front of.

These trees weren’t as big as the Redwoods because nothing is. But being 400 years old or so, they were definitely huge. We’re talking four or more people connecting their arms around them huge.

Imagine the stories they could tell in all that time. I would think the tale was sad though. Development, fires, relatives and friends lost. The usual.

And as we passed through these giants, we could see other big trees that were ripped in half from wind or lightning.

The thing about trees is that they still look like trees for a long time even though they’re completely dead; just some length of a stump.

In human terms, that is an odd concept. There you are with you’re family when suddenly lightning takes out mom before your very eyes and then you’re doomed to having her dead stump standing there for several hundred years reminding you of better times. Like I said...sad.

Imagine if it worked the same way with humans. What if we died but our bodies never really got around to rotting for 20 or 30 years? You’d walk down the street and see that cyclist that got hit by the guy texting his mistress on the way over; just his arm sticking up out of the storm drain.

Relatives would still be in their rocking chairs and you’d have to move them around to get anything done around the house. Recent war or riot areas would look like something out of a Madam Tussaud’s Wax Museum.

I guess trees can’t relate to our comings and goings anymore than we can relate to their longevity and standing still. Perhaps that’s a good thing.

27 comments:

Megan said...

Sometimes when you're out there, the trees take over your brain. Maybe it's all that oxygen floating around.

Tom said...

i wonder how some of the trees feel being bald over winter?

Roy said...

Oooookay! **backs slowly away from the computer**

Dennis the Vizsla said...

That's not the cyclist's arm. That's Pennywise looking for his next meal.

nonamedufus said...

Sounds like the basis for a good Stephen King novel, VE.

Monkey Man said...

The stink. What about the stink? Surely no relative would put up with that. Imagine the arms and legs sticking out of cans on garbage day and being spilled into trucks. "We liked having Dad around after he died, but...God...the smell. His farts when he was alive were bad enough."

The Incredible Woody said...

My step-mother is very jealous of the memory of my mother. So having her body just hanging around would really send her over the edge. The thought of that makes me giggle!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

That's how we deal with our dead up here in Canada. They're all frozen so the smells not so bad and if you just leave them seated in your car you can use the carpool lanes during bad traffic.

Roy Scribner said...

I think they can talk, it's just that everything a tree does is so much slower, in our terms, that we never catch the conversation. Either that, or I'm just a loon like you :)

Subby said...

Obscure "dead relative" reference...Imogene Coca's corpse atop the Griswald family wagon in "Vacation"...

C.B. Jones said...

I always figured that trees hated their parents. Why else would they allow squirrels to live in them? If they really cared, they would try to keep the squirrels off their relatives.

Elizabeth said...

What did you put in your coffee this morning??

ReformingGeek said...

Were you visited by the undead during the night?

Janna said...

If I died here, all by myself, in front of the computer, the cats would think three things (not necessarily in this order):

1. Finally, now she can't yell at us for pooping on the carpet.

2. Look! I'll sharpen my claws on this leg; you take the other one!

3. I wonder if she tastes like Meow Mix. Let's find out.

Mrsupole said...

I mean wasn't it the Mom who was kept in the rocking chair in Psycho? See what happens when you keep your dead relatives around. You think they need some friends to talk to, so you just try and find some for them.

Yup, keeping those dead relatives around is NOT a good idea. I'm just saying.

God bless.

Subby said...

Oooooh! Obscure song reference to dead relatives; Ray Stevens' "Sittin' up with the Dead!"

Subby said...

Wondering at what some of those giant Redwoods have seen; I mean some are what? over 3,000 years old?

VE said...

Megan – I agree and I don’t think anyone would argue that my brain has been taken over by something…

Tom – They probably like it not having to keep up with the daily fashions and such

Roy – Sometimes I go where no one should…I blame the gnomes…

Dennis – Oh sure, send in the clowns to scare us all…

Nonamedufus – If only I could write that well…

Monkey man – Ha! If they’re not rotting quickly though, perhaps there would be no stink…

Incredible woody – Ha! That is a bit of dark humor…I like it!

Perpetual chocoholic – I knew somebody would have a silver lining for this…

Roy – I’ve had a beer with you so I know you’re a loon! ;)

Subby – The most excellent use of a luggage rack in film ever!

Cb jones – I agree, squirrels running around would drive me nuts!

Elizabeth – Severed fingers…why do you ask?

Reforminggeek – Well technically every one of us is undead too…so…yes!

Janna – I think they’d find that you were an excellent new cat scratching apparatus. They’d probably climb up and sit on top of your head too…

Mrsupole – That’s a good point there. I’ll ship all my dead relatives over to your place then…

Subby – Ok, now you’ve stumped me. That’s a Ray Stevens song I don’t know…

Subby – I think you’re right. There was even a tree discovered in Sweden that was over 9,000 years old!

Baino said...

Hmm a little 'Weekend at Bernies' for me although my Grandma used to threaten us when we were little that when she died she wanted to be 'stuffed'. We had a normal childhood, really.

VE said...

baino - You just don't see a lot of stuffed humans...

Subby said...

VE, hadn't heard of that one! Noah must've planted it ( oh wait...Methusela? )

And the Ray Stevens song is track #1 on "Lend Me Your Ears"~~FYI ;)

CatLadyLarew said...

That's why I don't cut down trees... wouldn't want their relatives glaring at me.

VE said...

subby - You don't hear a lot of song parodies like you did in the 70s. Remember those goofy songs that were like an interview with song bytes to answer them?

catladylarew - I don't cut them down because it's hard work and it would probably land on me or my car anyway...

Subby said...

VE, believe it or not, I'm a huge Goodman-Buchanan fan. Weird Al did it years later ala video bites( his "interview" of Celine Dion is hysterical! ) Bob Crane ( yes, Colonel Hogan ) was the first (I believe ) to come up with the idea, back when he was a DJ ( mid to late '40's ). He'd make up interviews and disperse them with bits frae top hits of th' day...! I'd looove to find some o' those recordings ;)

sharonheg said...

Y'know VE, sometimes I worry about you....LOL!

VE said...

subby - Why does it not surprise me you'd know the history of that?

sharonheg - And worry you should!

Subby said...

VE, just think what I coulda learned if we had the 'net 30 years ago~HA!

Just another "Useless Fact" ( with apologies to Yakko Warner )...