Saturday, April 23, 2011

New Things

Coming to a Gas Station Near You

First there was the Ford Explorer
Then there was the Ford Expedition
Then there was the Ford Excursion

Well…the gnomes have done a little investigating and found out that right before the oil companies decided that nobody could really stop them from charging $4-$5 a gallon for gas Ford had another even bigger SUV in the works.

The model? You got it…the Ford Excretion! Because you’ll shit when you see how much it costs to fill the tank in that behemoth. Oh, and then you’ll shit again when you find that the gas mileage is so poor that you cannot get back home without filling it up again.


Bad Guy Store Update

I stopped over at the Bad Guy Store again the other day since I have all this free time now that I’m not posting every single day. Turns out the bad guys are still buying those machine guns that don’t hit people like they are going out of style.

They did have a fun new device that sends out 2500 distinct garage opener signals every second. The bad guys can now go around the ritzy neighborhoods in the winter when everyone has gone South to seek the sun and open right up and come on in.

Just wait until they perfect that auto computer virus that has your car break down in a remote place based on geo coordinates and then allows the bad guys to hijack your car without any outsider hassle.

Technology works both ways, folks…


Vanity Store Update

It’s been a little tough in the “one upsmanship” for phone owners. Seems everyone and their brother have the latest, greatest smart phone. So how can you make your friends and acquaintances feel truly inadequate in these times? The Vanity Store has the answer. They have a unique phone holder that makes it appear as if you have a 30% bigger and vastly superior phone that you just tell them you’re on the elite prototype squad but that because of proprietary liability you can’t show them the phone or let them touch it. They’re selling like hot cakes to the superficial people of the world…

7 comments:

secret agent woman said...

Funny about the phone - my only complaint about my smart phone is I liked the smaller size of the older cell phones.

And it boggles my mind that huge SUVs are continuing to sell.

Megan said...

I want a smart phone.

Roy said...

The bad part is that I can think of at least three people I know (note that I don't call them friends) would trip over themselves in their haste to buy something like your Ford Excrement as soon as it rolled off the assembly line. There really are people with absolutely no sense of shame.

ReformingGeek said...

That's one butt-ugly car/van. Yeah, excrement.

Subby said...

Roy makes a good point. I actually saw one of these on a dealer lot! JHFC!! It was gone within a week. I'm guessin' either a contractor bought it or a limo company ( I didn't ask the dealer ). They also had the 6-door-mega-crew-cab version pick-up truck...what? A freakin' Hummer or CXT ain't effin' big enough?

Janna said...

I like the pic of the Formula One car in the teensy garage.
Racing is the only sport I actually enjoy.
Even then, it has to be Indy or Formula One. I'm not a big NASCAR fan.

The reason they don't have races with that giant SUV thing is that they'd have to re-fuel after every lap.

Mrsupole said...

Usually on the freeways I drive at around...uh, I refuse to incriminate myself, it is fast. So I have now decided to protest the gas prices, and drive at 60 mph. As I am creeping along in the right lane, I was passed by so many SUV's that I kept thinking how much it cost to fill them up with gas. But now I realize they are lucky, they do not own an Excrement.

Funny how before I got my iPhone, I would just ask if anyone had seen my cell phone. Now it is my iPhone this, my iPhone that, sigh, I never knew I was one of those tech show offs.

God bless.