Thursday, January 26, 2012

Of Epic Runs and no Common Sense

By now most of my long time readers have figured out for themselves that while I'm not stupid by any means, I also have no common sense.

I mean, wasn't I the guy that

- Kept on going right past the warning sign that said "Danger, wounded bear in area" sign at the Alaska trailhead (and of course I did run right into a grizzly...just not that one)

- Didn't see the sign that warned of waves that would invert you and leave you paralized (which I boogy boarded anyway and end up inverted, snapped my neck and cut open my eye)

- Got bored and took a long stroll outside in Taiwan while Super Typhoon Zeb was in full force (still in the top 15 largest storms ever)

The list goes on.

And so it comes as no surprise when I tell you that Portland finally had to pay for the dry and gentle weather we had in Nov/Dec by lashing out with a monsoon of rain all at once...and I needed to do my run outside so might as well just get wet and go anyway.

Now we're not talking your typical misty rain that Portland usually gets.  This was full on drenching rain; the kind that overflows streams and rivers and causes roads to collapse and houses to slide off those stupid hillsides they shouldn't have built them on in the first place.

And I thought...seriously, how bad could it be?

Ok, it was bad.  Very bad.  There was a portion I had to go across our running path that had a river with rapids going across it.  It looked a bit like this...


I was regularly running in 6 to 8 inches of water throughout the 6 mile loop and some places were up over a foot.

Normally I don't wear a jacket ever but decided to put on my running rain jacket.  What a joke.  I had to tilt my arms down every minute or so to let the water poor out of them like I was a human tea pot. 

My running cap kept the rain out of my face and that felt pretty dry until, to add insult to injury, a rogue blackberry bush reached out and snagged it as I ran by.  As I went back for it that damn blackberry bush dropped it into a giant puddle leaving me to have to wring it out and put the soggy thing back on my now much wetter head.  Ughh.

And just when I thought I'd was the only fool out running, suddenly another person came by running in...get this...a cotton sweatshirt.

I cannot imagine how heavy that sweatshirt got after a mile or so as it soaked up rain like a sponge.  In fact, he might has well have worn a sponge.


Sponge running tops haven't quite caught on at the competitive level though.  You could just hear the announcer at the Olympic Marathon..."I don't know what happened.  He was running so light and fast earlier in the race and then the rains hit..."

So, I tipped my arms down to drain my sleeves, smiled that there was somebody out with less common sense than me and finished my epic run.

The positive was that my shoes had become so caked with mud from trail running lately that they were unrecognizable as to what brand they were.  This run fixed that nicely.

11 comments:

sybil law said...

I will never understand runners...
Glad you're safe and dry, now!

Mother Theresa said...

Who knows, maybe they'll introduce the new Olympic event of sponge running....see who can soak up the most water and get to the finish line first. Shirts would be weighed after the race and the score would be a combination of time and weight. :D

Mrsupole said...

You are not as dumb as you are making out to be. Let's just be honest, we know you were actually out there to act like a ecco friendly washing machine that was cleaning your running shoes. No soap, no electricity, no fabric softener, just all natural cleaners used, that are also biodegradable and were actually so cost efficient to be free.

Come on just face it, you have turned into one of those ecco nut cases, uh, I mean those ecco people that believe the crap Al Gore spews out, uh, I mean one of those ecco, oh crap I cannot think of a good name for them but I know they do something good. Oh wait, I mean one of those ecco friendly, save the planet people, yeah you are smart like one of those people.

Oh and next time just let the gnomes take your running shoes out for cleaning. They like the rain. Duh they live in Portland.

God bless.

The Incredible Woody said...

I agree with sybil law

Ed Welter, the crayon historian said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
lime said...

that is a special brand of crazy. holy cow

VE said...

sybil - I wouldn't say I'm a true runner. I don't run every day, I don't race, I don't hang out with other runners. But its such an easy and economical form of exercise and it keeps me looking like my profile picture...

mother theresa - I think you're on to something. It has to be more interesting than events like curling or sychronized swimming...

mrsupole - Ha! I know, you're trying to peg me as one of those environmentalists and I do live in Oregon but in truth that takes way too much energy (get it) to support. I'm more of a neutral guy on most everything. It's easier. Take a lesson from Switzerland. They're neutral and they have all the money and no wars...

incredible woody - Sorry, the gnomes have weighed in on this ruling and determined that there is no agreeing with fellow commentors. It just starts riots...

lime - I specialize in special brands...

gab said...

First thing I thought of seeing the sponge was yes you got it Spongebob Squarepants! Ive really gotta get out more.....or at least try and get my 4 year old grandson to watch something else!

Beth said...

Don’t think of it as lacking common sense – think of it as either being crazy, obsessed or just being an adventuresome kind of guy.
(Choose one of the above.)

ReformingGeek said...

Oh my. You've lost your marbles.

Oh, wait. Here they are. I'll send them to you.

It's a good thing you didn't trip and land face up. Ahem.

At least your shoes are clean.

VE said...

gab - When I went looking for a sponge photo, SpongeBob came up in about 99% of the pictures...

beth - I choose D...irresponsible

reforminggeek - I suspected you had my marbles all along!