Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Free Stylin'

On occasion I get real lazy and don't have a single thing to write about.  Not to worry though, I just improvise.  When you write fantastical nonsense, there are no rules and I've never really had writers block.  So let's do some free thinking...

In these times of short attention spans I think my highest probability of successful writing is to do a humorous book of nothing but random lists.  They sell these kind of books at special desks in the bookstore where people do impulse buys as presents.  The other good place for such useless endeavors is airport shops where people need something to occupy themselves on the plane other than that wacky catalog with the inventions nobody has ever seen other than in that catalog (but that make a lot of practical sense...well...many of them).  Here's the start at one of the lists...

Things that make no sense:
1.  A Capella Unplugged
2.  Born Again Atheists
3.  Hoarder Garage Sales

Movies are supposed to bring a "suspension of disbelief".  Well, I was watching American Werewolf in London the other day and I have to say, I'm not buying this whole business of a regular person transforming into a werewolf and back.  Seriously, where are the stretch marks?  There would have to be massive stretch marks!  That whole teeth growing thing too...wouldn't your next dentist check up find those when they haul you in for more X-rays that you just had at the last check up but because the dentist needs a new Mercedes he's over prescribing them to raise revenues?  And don't even get me started on all the excess hair.  That's more body hair than Burt Reynolds and the Magnum PI guy combined!  That hair would start piling up.  I tell you, if there were werewolves, they'd all be wig shop owners...where else you gonna get rid of so much hair in-between full moons?

If I were going to make an original movie, I'd write a screenplay that incorporates obscure scenes from a bunch of other famous movies into the plot.  Sort of a different spin off the Forest Gump concept.  You know, my protagonists would be walking along the street beside this huge building when suddenly a door opens up and Truman steps out of his world for the first time ever.  You say "Hi, Truman" and he just stares at you as you walk along.  Next minute a giant ball comes rolling right in front of you and crashes into a Starbucks (from Fight Club).  He goes to the pub and in the background are four hobbits drinking pints of beer when one of them disappears.  Stuff like that...

9 comments:

sybil law said...

I'd totally see your movie!!

Beth said...

Write that screenplay – I think you’ve got the makings of Oscar-award winning film there! (Even if people don’t quite understand it, they will say they do...the more obscure, the more likely a hit…)

Mother Theresa said...

I'd watch it. I'm sure it would be loads better than a lot of the crap they make these days.

gab said...

Id go to that movie and while your at it add in a few vampires they are more belivable than werewolfs

Mrsupole said...

We can never have too many vampire and werewolf movies, can we? I mean since they are real and all, hahaha, or is it zombies that are real. Just pick a story out of a newspaper and then another one and before you know it you have a whole script written. And the good news is that it is free.

God bless.

VE said...

sybil - And don't worry, it won't be in that damn 3D either! I hate 3D unless it was made by James Cameron that is...

beth - That's so true. Like this Oscar year...I don't understand how the French could make a silent film and win the Oscar...

mother theresa - Yeah, we were going to go out to a movie last week but there wasn't anything playing close we were interested in seeing. And I'm not really that picky...

gab - That's true...coffins are quite good if you want a true night of rest!

mrsupole - I want to see a happy zombie movie. All the ones I've seen they are always angry...

lime said...

born again atheists and hoarder garage sales...that actually sounds like it could be a sitcom plot for my dad and stepmom.

nursemyra said...

I'd go to a hoarder garage sale!

gab said...

Hoarders garage sale now see you have been checking our my place....I canstill move around my house and sit and sleep and eat but god almighty all the stuff I have I should have a hoarders garage sale LMAO
I cant begin to tell you how many collections I have.....snowglobes, coke stuff, refrig magnets,pencils,pewter,blown glass,shot glasses, salt and pepper shakers shall I go on? No? Awwww spoil sport LOL