Wednesday, April 25, 2012

VE's Unauthorized and politically incorrect Mayhem commercial

Not too long ago I poked fun at all the insurance TV ads out there.  I also stated that my favorite was “Mayhem” from Allstate.  If you’re living under a rock (which was a Geico insurance commercial gag at one point) you can watch one here.

Granted, Mayhem is edgy for insurance commercials.  But I think I could take him over the edge if given the chance.  In fact, let’s write one right now…who cares about copyright infringements, nobody but friends read this blog anymore….right?

Ok, here goes:

The scene is a simple four way intersection with your average conservative car about to make a left hand turn with the proper green light.



Flip to another scene with Mayhem at the driver’s seat of a jacked up pickup speed down through a neighborhood street at 60mph with a speed sign in the background that indicates the limit is 30mph.


[Mayhem]  “You’re going about your day thinking if you obey all the rules of the road you’re left turn will be just fine.  Think again.”

Mayhem steps on the gas with a cruel smile.

[Mayhem]  “What you don’t realize is that I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to and finally succeeding at illegally passing one of those slow first generation Asian Americans driving under the speed limit and am now so jacked up with road rage that I don’t see you coming."

Mayhem cranks up “Highway to Hell” on the stereo and isn’t paying attention in front of him.

[Mayhem]  “Maybe I wouldn’t be this aggressive had I not just beat up that guy screaming at my son’s soccer team during the All-Regional finals.  I’m the kind of guy that likes to paint my face at hockey games and smash a hockey stick into splinters to support my team and scare the crap out of everyone around me."

Mayhem looks up from the stereo and sees the turning car just before impact.

[Mayhem] “And if you have cut rate insurance then the pancake of a car I’m about to turn your car into when I squash it with my small-penis compensated monster truck with the nudie girl mud flaps and the NRA stickers may have to sit in your garage until you can afford to tow it away because I’m just gonna flee the scene and rage on my next victim.”

Camera stops just before the impact (thus avoiding scary carnage and letting our imagination do it for us)

[Deep voice guy] “Get Allstate…because Mayhem is everywhere…”

There…that should be just edgy enough to not get aired on TV.  I should have gone into the advertising business…

10 comments:

sybil law said...

I like it!!

ReformingGeek said...

Oh dear. You'd better save that one for the driver ed films.

Mrsupole said...

Are you like trying to say that there is an actual conservative in Oregon? I thought you only had liberals up there. You have a scary mind and we oh so enjoy it.

God bless.

The Incredible Woody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Incredible Woody said...

Add in the possibility of the guy being hopped up on meth and you've got yourself an ad!

Serena said...

Yeah, I'd watch that; I seem to thrive on Mayhem. You SHOULD have gone into advertising!:)

Megan said...

I thought you couldn't get a license until at least second-generation.

VE said...

sybil - More proof they won't air it!

reforminggeek - See...it has a dual purpose...

mrsupole - Portland and Eugene have the liberals. The rest of the state is rural and as conservative as you can get

incredible woody - A little bonus they won't find out until much later...

serena - I should have named my kids Mayhem1 and Mayhem2...

megan - Does that really stop them?

gale bristlin said...

WOW that was so real like I could picture it in my head as I was reading it.and it was like that guy from the commercial was actually talking OMG now youve got it in my head god your good!

VE said...

gale - Yes, that's how I see these things too. If I could just spend the time translating what's in my head to paper...