Monday, July 15, 2013

Seeing the Positive

As I look toward retiring abroad, I have to keep an open mind.  Where do I get the best bang-for-my-buck?  And in that search, it became obvious that the cheapest places are also the scariest…or are they?

AFGHANISTAN...

Think of how much space I could have building a place there.  No pesky neighbors trying to peek into my windows because their property is so close to mine it cannot be avoided.  There are no pesky neighbors because we have already bombed and leveled everything there.  That certainly simplifies the home inspection since I’d be starting from a bare foundation and a bit of shrapnel cleanup.

I wouldn’t have to work here either.  I could just tap into the endless “aid” money by claiming I’m revitalizing the country through my gentrification efforts…

Easy upkeep.  Nothing seems to grow there so I don't have to worry about weeding...


NORTH KOREA

The great thing about living in North Korea is that you can forget about bill collectors or email spam following you!  That’s right.  Assuming you can get in, nothing else will be able to.  Word has it their leader is a Dennis Rodman fan so my approach is to show up at the border armed with a bunch of Rodman memorabilia.  Can’t be that expensive…I mean, come on, it’s Dennis Rodman!


SOMALIA

Look at the bright side.  The coast line is beautiful but bereft with pirates stealing from every boat that gets within a 100 miles of the place.  Fortunately for me I don’t have a boat and they would certainly clear out the place from irritating tourists arriving on some mega-stuffed cruise ship!

There are no regulations preventing me from working in country if I wanted to.  That’s because there are no regulations at all.  I can just purchase one of the many prevalent soviet-made weapons and do like everyone else in the country; rob for whatever I happen to need.  This could be so much less hassle than having to actually work should I need to down the road. 


9 comments:

nonamedufus said...

I'm impressed by your degree of research. I'm shocked you're nearing retirement. Happy trails.

Subby said...

I'd like to point out a few things here VE, if I may...

Afghanistan: though there is much space to be had, you'll still run the risk of a re-bobming at some point in the future. For a more restful and less dangerous retirement, you could always purchase a few square miles of Nevada desert. The property there is cheap and you really don't have to worry about your neighbours.

North Korea: Sure Kim Jr. is a Rodman fan but hawking memorabilia at the border is still a job. I though the point of your retirement would be to avoid work?

Somalia: Again, you're indications lead to even more work here, than in hawking Rodman stuff in North Korea. I mean, do you realise how much work is involved in (a) procuring a weapon & ammo (b)trying to find the items you need to survive (c)trying to keep the other pirates from getting the stuff you stole & (d)the major lack of sleep you'll encounter when doing all this?

One should not have to work so hard when in retirement. Then again with the way things currently are, most of us will be too old to enjoy anything but the nursing staff in the rest homes, once retirement age hits 85.

Just sayin'...

ReformingGeek said...

Silly me. Here I thought you were coming south to join one of our lovely cults....or to start one. Hee Hee.

The Incredible Woody said...

I would never make it in N. Korea. Seriously, how do they walk like that all the time?!?

VE said...

nonamedufus - The goal is to retire in 2-3 years. I'll only be 55 by then...why retire when you're old? Might as well enjoy it early...

subby - Excellent counter-points! Let's see, Nevada, hmmm. I'd still have to have medical costs cause they'd probably try to evacuate me by helicopter at $50,000 a trip should something happen to me. Plus I'd be worried about these "Burning Man" type events suddenly creating 30,000 unwanted neighbors. I'm sure there are more taxes/regulations I'd still have to deal with that these lawless unregulated places don't have to. I do agree with the work concerns in each of the countries you pointed out. But N. Korea was just a bribe of memorabilia to get into the country. Once I'm in...paradise! Nobody really knows what goes on there other than military exploits and I'm already a full veteran so they don't need me for that nonsense. Somalia? Guns? No problem, really. There's always somebody shot dead still holding a rifle that I can use...

reforminggeek - The trouble with the cults is they always make you work for the collective. Sounds tiring...

incredible woody - Good point...I don't have a great hamstring stretch either...

Subby said...

Hmmm...I can see your point about the taxes and regs. As for the Burning Man celebrations, they're closer to the cities and not the badlands up in the northern part of the state. And from one vet to another, I can clew you in about N.Korea but...then you'd really not want to go there!

Paula Wooters said...

Retiring abroad is tempting. You make it sound so alluring. How about you go first and then let us know what it's like.

GAB said...

Hubby retied in June this year and of course we didnt get far because well lots of stuff stopped us. Now hes going back to work...Why? Because I cant get insurance So when they offered him a job back at his old place of work he took it.

VE said...

subby - Yeah, I'm sure N. Korea would not be good for my anti-conformity ways...

paula - So...you're suggesting I move to New Guinea and be a Guinea Pig?

gab - Insurance...the bane of the USA. There are a number of countries you can pay out of pocket for nearly everything and have it less than the USA cost.