Friday, December 20, 2013

Last Minute Christmas Gift Ideas

I know, the gnomes know, everyone knows!  You've put off getting all your Christmas shopping done...again!  And what's more traumatic than not being able to give people things they don't need.

Well, fear not, the gnomes have rounded up a few last minute gift ideas this year and thanks to desperate retail businesses they'll practically hand deliver before Christmas for free at this point.

So...let's get started:

First off, for you Catholic types...we have the Choir Boy Candles.  That's all we'll say about that...

For those of you with irrepressible anger issues, this knife set is perfect.  Give it to your boss, your ex, your hair stylist that thought your hair was her impressionist painting homework by accident.

For those of you down South, you should go retro with a nice vintage toy.  They made a hundred variations of these type of toys down there.  I will caution that if you're caught carrying this anywhere north of say Georgia, you'll probably be beat up by the over-reactive politically correct people or by African-Americans still mad that Obama cannot get Congress to do much of anything.

Have macho friends you just have to give a gift to despite yourself?  Go with something truly awkward like these Ken-doll like merman ornaments.  Then you can refrain from that smile each year as you ask to see them on his tree during Christmas visits.

If you want practical, there's nothing better than cooking in your bedroom.  Who doesn't want to wake up and slap breakfast on the griddle or have some crispy fries cooking next to their bed.  Just tell them to be careful with the ketchup...

And for that divorced female friend of yours...A night buddy that she actually doesn't want to strangle in their sleep.

Yes, thanks to VE, you'll have all your Christmas shopping completed.


Brian Miller said...

i saw that money bank the other day at the goodwill, no joke...i was like...ummm.....ha

merry christmas man

G-Man said...

It must be getting close to years end...
Nice to have you visit, I see that you are as witty and ascerbic as ever. Thanks for stopping by and have a Kick Ass Week End

Kurt said...

I want the arm!

ReformingGeek said...

That arm is creepy. Wait. They're all creepy. Evil Twin is altering her list.


Janna said...

I realize this is the sad pathetic side of me talking, but that arm pillow is actually pretty cool.

The choir boy candles made me laugh out loud... so many reasons.
The placement of the hands...
The facial expression...
The fact that the candles are BENT...
And the fact that the owner never actually lit the candles, realizing how awkward it would have been.

Ed said...

brian - You should have bought it; it's probably worth a fortune now. Of course, good luck getting home without getting beat up as a racist or something...

G-Man - You gotta have the bitter with the sweet!! I'm just callin' them as I see them...Happy holidays

kurt - Why does that not surprise me. And in your honor I did not do a animals-dressed-up post on Halloween this year

reforminggeek - I know, you secretly want to try out that arm. The nice thing about that arm is that it won't steal the fries you are making on the night stand next to the bed

janna - See were going there with the choir boys...I left it alone...but noooooo ;)

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