Tuesday, February 25, 2014

How to recognize and avoid the Tom Cruise Jumping Syndrome




Hello.  He is Tom Cruise and he does have "Tom Cruise Jumping Syndrome".  And while it is hopeless for Tom, you can recognize the signs early and through a lifelong monetary contribution to my shameless ploy to suck every last dollar from you, you can prevent this debilitating disease...

Watch the early warning signs....


  • Scientology
  • Extreme narcissism
  • A growing collection of angry and confused ex-spouses
  • Saying dumb things in public
If you or a loved one has "Tom Cruise Jumping Syndrome", seek media whoring help immediately.  The most effective treatment known today is to continually star in action films without plot.  This seems to contain the disease to only occasional episodes which can be explained away with the help of made up religions.

Thank you for your contributions to this awkward disease...

2 comments:

ReformingGeek said...

Oh no. I think I see the symptoms in a friend of mine. I'm sending you $1000. The check is in the mail.

VE said...

reforminggeek - Good choice, $1000 is a nice round number...